Wrote this in my diary on 31st August 2008:
"A 2-month writing hiatus..lol. Got back blocks, went through piano exam, blah blah. Nothing much to say.
But i read somewhere about what happens when a guy likes a girl. If he confesses, the girl can profess her feelings too then their relationship will start. But if she rejects then their friendship will likely be awkward and fizzle out. (Have seen real life examples of this) But then, he can choose not to confess and keep their friendship the way it is.
So that's the way it is. I value our friendship a lot and hold our friendship quite dear. I definitely would not want to see it fizzle out or anything of that sort. So... just remain quiet for now.
But, the thing is, I know I have very positive feelings for her, but are those feelings bf/gf one or a very good friend one? Sometimes I wonder myself... how do you differentiate between the 2?
And then again, I don't know whether she knows about this or not. Apparently, it is obvious enough that some not in the loop think that it is obvious. But I don't really understand why it is very obvious. It's not like I do a lot of public displays of love or anything. -.-
But if she did know, and isn't deliberately avoiding me or anything, that's good right? Or is it just because she has enough faith in our friendship to think that I wouldn't pull something stupid? Haiz... this is really confusing and retarded.
Anyway, recently retook MBTI test, and am fairly convinced that I'm ENTP (for now anyway). Was XXTJ (XX means too close to judge) when I took it in sec 3. But now my E is quite pronounced, about 70% or so. Changed from J to P.. more organised/planning to carefree and relaxing...hmm.. Always have been (probably always will be) a T. Though I guess sometimes I let my heart rule, my cognitive abilities are definitely much better than my feeling abilities. Intuitive/Sensing.. not sure about this one, but apparently I'm intuitive for now.
I would say that my personality is quite different from when I was in sec 3. But I know that quite a huge part of the change is because I wanted myself to be this way. Even now, I'm fairly certain that if I project a different image of my self to follow, my personality would gradually change towards that image. So...which is my real personality? The true me? Am I who I want to be? Or is there something underneath that? Ie, the me that is driving these wants...hmmm. Sounds like a cliche teenager identity crisis kind of thing... haha
But more or less, I guess I have a rough/vague idea of what I want in my life. My passion as my job, a nice family... blah blah. Haven't sorted out the details though... financial status,what job, where to live, etc. But I guess things will iron out along the way.
But anyway, I guess I can (and will) be who I WANT to be! :D"
Lol.. sounds a bit screwy at some parts. The first part is more typical emo/lovelorn thingum. ): Hope I get over that soon. I guess having taken MBTI i have a clearer idea of my personality, and know what things i can develop and what things to take note. Though i wonder, if i make these changes to my life because they tell me that I'm ENTP, what if i'm really not ENTP? Then these things may change me such that I really become ENTP, or what? Hm...
